How to Write Your Wedding Vows
Groom waiting to read vows at his Long Island wedding. © Dan Wagner 2023
Before writing this Long Island wedding photography blog article, I’d never given much thought about writing wedding vows much less photographing them. After all, wedding vows are spoken, and not something you’d necessarily think of as tangible. The photo above taken at the de Seversky Mansion in Old Westbury, Long Island of the groom holding numbered index cards with his wedding vows behind his back was totally unplanned.
Luckily for me, I noticed the photo opportunity and had enough time to react and take the shot. Even better, it won a magazine wedding photography contest in the wedding detail photo category. So, whether you’re a bide, groom, or a wedding photographer, it’s a good idea to make sure you get a few photos of the wedding vows. And if you’re getting married, it might also be a good idea to consider writing your own wedding vows. Who knows—if you hire me to photograph your wonderful Long Island wedding, the photos I take of your vows might even win a photo contest!
Here’s a rather amusing video on How to Write Perfect Vows
10 Best How to Write Your Wedding Vows FAQs
How many minutes should wedding vows be? The traditional wedding vow length is 1 to 2 minutes—longer if you include a short story or anecdote.
Should children be included in our wedding vows? As wedding ceremonies are about joining two people in matrimony, it makes a lot of sense to include them in your wedding vows. This can be especially important for step children.
When writing my wedding vows, does it matter if I’m not a good writer? Let’s face it, when it comes to wedding vows, nobody’s expecting Shakespeare. What your spouse and wedding guests are hoping to hear, is something from the heart. It’s not important if your wedding vows are worded perfectly, or if you make any mistakes while reading it. These things will only make it feel more authentic—so try not to worry.
What should I write about? Where should I start? When gathering your wedding vow thoughts, it’s often a great idea to begin with what you love about your partner. A simple numbered list can get your creative writing juices flowing.
How can I organize my thoughts? When it comes to writing wedding vows I feel somewhat overwhelmed. First off, having a lot of wedding vow ideas is a good thing—if it gives you more to work with. As a writer, I’d like to share a writing tip called riffing. Riffing is where you write all your thoughts down in a Word doc, in an email to yourself if you don’t have word processing software, or on paper. Ideas will lead to more ideas, and to refining the ideas you already have. If magic strikes you may write your wedding vows in one go—which almost never happens. Most likely, it will be a work in progress. Even people who claim to hate writing, will find the riffing writing process productive and enjoyable.
Where can I get grammar advice for my wedding vows? Great question. Even though I’ve been a writer for many years, there are more times than I care to admit where I make grammatical mistakes, or overlook something while proof-reading my own work. Fortunately, my word-processing software has grammar and spelling correction. You can also perform a grammar check with Reverso, Grammerly, and other free online services. With Reverso, all you have to do is paste in your text and click Check.
Should I include a story about how I met my spouse? Short stories and warm anecdotes are things we all love and can relate to. In fact, storytelling is one of the oldest forms of communication. I recommend writing a few stories about how you met, when you first realized you were in love, and make sure to include funny stories—as long as they won’t embarrass your spouse. Once you’ve written down these stories, shorten them as much as possible. As William Shakespeare wrote, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Or as a modern thinker simplified it KISS—”Keep it Simple Stupid!”
What about the wedding vow promises? Do I need to promise more than “love, honor, and cherish?” That’s up to you. Try out a few versions and see what you like. Something like I promise to love, honor, cherish, and make you strawberry pancakes on your birthday—if that’s something your spouse loves, will make everyone smile. So why not? If ideas are slow in coming, then remember to use the riffing technique mentioned above. Keep an eye on the clock so your wedding vows don’t run into overtime.
Are there any wedding vow APPs or free services to help me get started? Yes! There’s Vowness.com and this one from the Universal Life Church. I’m not suggesting you should simply use a wedding vow generator and call it a day. That’s insane! However, anything that helps you prime the wedding vow writing pump is worth trying.
My spouse is a great writer. Everything they say is like sugar rolling off the tongue. Is it okay to have my spouse write my wedding vows for me? Better yet, can I simply say, “Ditto!” after everything they say? Hey, it’s a free country. If your spouse is cool with it, and it makes you happy, then go for it. I’ve photographed more than a few weddings where the spouse—usually a guy—apologies for my gender—says something like, “me too,” or “ditto.” That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with being shy, or in getting caught up in the emotions of the moment and rendered almost speechless. We’re humans—it okay. One way to overcome shyness is by taking an improv class. Just be careful that it doesn’t turn you into a wedding vow scene-stealer!
Long Island couple exchanging wedding vows. © Dan Wagner 2023
What Should I Not Say in my Wedding Vows?
Great question, but probably something you already know in your heart. When in doubt, always remember to accentuate the positive.
Here’s a quick, common sense list of topics to consider avoiding.
Try not to mention exes. While you might have a funny anecdote of comparison to a former ex—wedding vows is not the time to mention it!
Remember it’s a wedding ceremony, not a comedy audition—so go easy on the jokes.
If your spouse sometimes farts when they sneeze, or if they have any other perceived weakness or vulnerabilities—no matter how tempting to mention—don’t! Even if your spouse laughs, that doesn’t mean they approve, or aren’t hurt.
Please don’t talk about sex. I know that sometimes when we’re nervous, we loose our filters. Simply remember that if you talk about sex, you might not get any. Aw heck, do whatever you want! But don’t say I didn’t warn you!
When in doubt regarding what not to say, think of how you’d feel if your parents or future children said it at their wedding ceremony. But if you’re from the South Shore of Long Island—then anything goes!
Congratulation on your wedding. I hope these wedding vow writing ideas have been helpful.
Stay tuned for more Long Island wedding photography blog articles!
Every Bride and Groom Deserve Beautiful Wedding Photos!
Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences about writing your own wedding vows in the comment box below. Have a wonderful wedding, and many thanks for visiting my Long Island wedding photographer blog!